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I don't know how to stop isolating myself. I keep doing it even when I know it's not helping. I'm killing myself with loneliness.
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mh--Sometimes I wonder if I actually have a brain tumor and this is what it feels like to slowly die and/or go insane
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mh-Managed to get out of bed before noon, so I guess that's a win? I'm such a joke. Why do I even exist? What the fuck is the point of all this suffering? Why can't I just be normal?
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There's a lot of aspects of autism that I don't think fit my experience, but one thing I emphasize strongly with is pathological demand avoidance. The more you want me to do something, the less...
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mh--Well, seems like everything is coming to a head today. If I'm lucky I'll get a long period of leave. If not, I probably won't have a job anymore.Maybe that's catastrophizing, but I don't know how...
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Like, if I'm going to be feeling miserable and not doing much beyond sleeping, I might as well be also doing something useful with that time like recovering from a surgery
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mh-I've been hiding in bed all day, but at least the anhedonia is starting to wear off
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I keep thinking I might actually do something more meaningful than laying in bed tomorrow, but then I fail to imagine anything worth doing. Apparently this is just what life is now.
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I got briefly horny for a few moments, so perhaps all is not lost yet. Apparently I have a few reward centers in my brain that still function. Might have something to live for.
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mh+/-I was awake, fed, medicated, and moving around before 9am and I don't like it.I mean, it's a win, but it also sucks to be awake.I'm back laying in bed right now waiting for the caffeine to kick in...
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mh+/-Apparently the caffeine worked because I somehow found myself in the shower without ever being fully consciously aware of it. Neat trick.
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It's actually kind of insulting how much difference a little bit of caffeine can make in my day
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